Relishing Retirement but dealing with the “Empty Nest Syndrome”

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One of the blogs that I follow is called “Retired – No one told me” I am inclined to agree with this sentiment!

Here is her super site, jam-packed full of interesting recipes and information, please take a look. https://carolcooks2.com/

When we took early retirement to Hungary, it signified a new and very different chapter in our lives. Not only were we spending 24 hours with each other but division of chores (in my eyes) had/needed to be altered.

Old fashioned Middle Eastern culture is very different from British culture. In the Middle East wives stay at home keeping house, they don’t do paid work and raise a family. Husbands bring the money home to support their family and deal with the finances. British culture actively encourages equal partnerships with wives or live in partners working and taking dual responsibility for rearing a family and running the house. Nowadays the culture in the Middle East is slightly more relaxed with the younger generations pretty much following the British culture.

Eric, my husband is from the Middle East and he very much respects his cultural roots and values. He is a proud man so when we married he wanted me to leave my job (which I did) and for him to support us financially (which he did). I loved not going to work and being a housewife in England but it WAS hard work. Added to the mix was the birth of our son, Raphael. At age 43 motherhood was somewhat challenging.

Fast forward 19 years (6 years of retirement in Hungary) and we have reached an amicable, workable relationship where we are both very happy. It was not all a “bed of roses” – what relationship is? There were hiccups along the way but through good communication and patience we got through the challenging times.

As we sat on our veranda, sipping our morning coffee, I thought I would ask Eric three questions about our retirement. A good exercise to see if we were still on the same page together.

What is the best thing about your retirement?

His reply, after some thought, which was rather touching “To be together all the time” He then added “Freedom” and “Not having to work” I love those reasons.

Retiring to Hungary, would you do it all over again?

I just needed a Yes or No answer…. again after some thought, he said “Yes”. He then went on to list a few little niggles he had, but I pointed out that they had now been resolved. His answer confirmed that we had both made the right decision to retire to Hungary. But, if you had asked me that question at the challenging 1 year anniversary I would have said an emphatic NO! When I compare our lives then (in England) and now (in Hungary) the good things far out way the bad and the inevitable little niggles.

What our your future plans?

“To travel with you around Europe with Hungary as our base, as we have no responsibilities of children or animals” That is the perfect answer for me…we can drive anywhere in Europe to explore hidden gems and take wonderful photographs everywhere we go.

I am often asked what do you “do” in Hungary by English friends, as if I am bored and hang around doing nothing! Trust me when I say my days are jam packed full of the usual domestic duties and the fun hobby related things I love to do. I am never bored. A favourite quote of mine:

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” —Aristotle

From Hungarian friends I get “Why” did you move to rural Hungary? I reply….the good air of the countryside, the friendly Hungarian people and a better quality of life than England.

I asked Eric these questions and I got hilarious but honest answers. “I like to experiment with different foods, particularly Chillin’ and Grillin!”, “Neutralising my brain!”, “Watch movies”, “Taxi for Sue and her camera”!

In answer to “Why did you move to Hungary?” the reply was “Because of Ben Fogle!!!” I had to laugh, but it is true.

Ben Fogle is an English broadcaster, writer and adventurer, best known for his presenting roles with British television channels, Channel 5, BBC and ITV.

Way back in 2015, a show was broadcast about a young, newly married British couple buying a run down property in rural Hungary. Eric watched it and full of excitement said “We should do this, it would be great living in the countryside and living off the land!!!!” I needed A LOT of convincing and persuading but as you can see, we did make the move to rural Hungary.

I thought it would be lovely to revisit the show that brought us to the middle of central Europe. The first episode follows the couple settling into their new life….the second video is one year later and how they have managed and progressed in their new adopted country. It makes interesting watching.

Our family dynamics have recently changed again, our son Raphael has returned to the UK, I miss him very much. The “Empty Nest Syndrome” has reared its ugly head.

Having children is an absolute blessing, I have 4! The hardest thing for me was when my youngest son Raphael spread his wings and flew to England. This is commonly known as “Empty nest Syndrome” often described as feeling grief, sadness and loneliness, all of which I have experienced first hand. I also experienced excitement for his future and a slight guilty relief. His independence means ours as well. Of course, I worry about him but do not discuss these thoughts with Raphael. Instead, my husband Eric is my “sounding off ear” and is very understanding of my irrational feelings and turbulent emotions.

I asked him how he felt emotionally and he replied “I would be selfish to keep him here but super excited for him starting a new chapter in his life”. Wise words.

If you have experienced “Empty Nest Syndrome” you will understand how I feel. These have been some of my symptoms:

• The quietness of the house, a reminder he is not here.
• A visit to his room and spotting familiar items – today it was his basketball.
• A feeling of emptiness, being mum for 18 years then suddenly that responsibility has gone.
• I no longer ‘know’ what he is doing – a loss of motherly control.

All these emotions I know will pass. We are already thinking, talking and planning where future adventures will take us. Where shall we go next?

I am considering learning to paint with acrylics on canvas, YouTube has given me some amazing inspiration but I am sure it is not as easy as it looks! This will be my new winter hobby.

I still have my photography to motivate my imagination and give me self confidence. I have many books to read on my Kindle just ready to whisk me off to imaginary places and exciting adventures.

I have resumed blogging after a 2 year break, I have time on my hands so am putting it to good use.

We stay in touch with Raphael (and my other 3 children) using social media, Messenger and Facebook. Thank goodness for modern technology. I feel reassured when he tells me about his day and what he has been up to. The physical distance is there but not the emotional distance. I am thankful for that.

I read online “Share your wisdom but let your children make their own decisions”. How very true.

This is where I shall end this blog post…it seems rather lengthy but I seemed to have had lots to say. Have you ever experienced “Empty Nest Syndrome”? How did you cope with it? I would love to hear your thoughts or experiences in the comments.

Thanks so much for reading.